


The Dreams We Had Last Summer

by lovinniel



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 15:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20230468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovinniel/pseuds/lovinniel
Summary: Seongwoo and Daniel recounted a story that began a summer ago.The dreams they had when they were a little bit younger.





	The Dreams We Had Last Summer

**Author's Note:**

> As the title, tags, and summary suggest, this is an Ongniel story, dedicated to my fellow scientists who haven't or just couldn't give up. (I couldn't). So if you dislike Ongniel, kindly skip.  
And as logical reasoning and the genre name suggest, this story is a work of fiction, with a capital F. So I hope you'll be able to discern reality from fiction.

_Summer 2018_

“So. What do you think?”

Ong Seongwoo took a quick view of the room. One thought immediately came to mind.

“Small,” he curtly replied.

“Hahaha. At least we had this room to ourselves, hyung.”

Yeah, Seongwoo thought as he skimmed over the room again, Jisung must’ve been dancing to his heart right now. It had all the basic requirements of a bedroom and no more. Actually it was a tad lacking since their supposed bedroom lacked, well, a bed.

“I’ve heard therapists recommend flat bed but lying on the wooden floor’s a bit much.” Seongwoo’s acerbic wit earned a chuckle from his roommate.

“They provide bedding, hyung. Look. There’s even our name on it. This one’s Ong Seongwoo.” Seongwoo took the fluffy bundle. “And this one’s Kang Daniel.”

Daniel dropped his head on the white plush and drew long breath. “Hmm. Peaches.”

“Really?”

Seongwoo took turn and sniffed his own bedding, his nose immediately scrunched.

“It smelled new, Daniel.” Seongwoo glared at his roommate who was drowned in laughter for successfully playing his hyung. “They don’t even bother to wash this. What the hell!”

Seongwoo sighed. He should have known better than to heighten his expectations at moving to their new dorm. It wasn’t that he was imagining life in luxury; Seongwoo wasn’t that delusional. But he didn’t think that they would have to sleep on floor atop fairly thin bedding.

“The management said that this was only temporary, hyung.” Daniel had finally regained his ability to talk properly. “The bed’s not arrived yet.”

Yeah right, Seongwoo thought. What the management truly wanted to say was probably that they should have been grateful they have a roof to sleep under. Yes, Seongwoo wasn’t delusional. In fact, he knew exactly what he and his fellow bandmates were: moneymakers; or as Daniel once said to Seongwoo’s amusement: industrial milk cow.

As such, they were not to be expecting lavish treatments. Instead, they were forced to work for extreme hours, and on return, received pay as little as it was legally possible. They were moved to a larger, ostentatiously superior dorm just to keep the illusion of them being treated well alive. Not that they’re being treated poorly either. For Seongwoo, it was just humanely tolerable.

For Daniel though, Seongwoo couldn’t say the same.

The nation’s center was an illustrious title; it drew a lot of attention, and in return, a lot of money. For the title-holder however, it sucked and drained the life out of them.

Daniel had been thoroughly worked, so to speak, if not enslaved. He was forced to work from dawn till almost dawn; sometimes sleeping for less than two hours. Seongwoo could sometimes feel the pain and tiredness when the younger limped into the room they shared, and then being woken up just as he began to fall asleep.

If the younger felt angry at the management’s efficiency, he didn’t show it, at least not on stage. But as Daniel’s closest in their group, Seongwoo had been with him through the younger’s darkest nights. He didn’t feel burdened by the younger’s stories, though. Instead Seongwoo felt pleased having someone whom he so deeply connected to.

It began with Seongwoo catching a glimpse of a familiar figure huddled in one of their agency’s empty room, silently sobbing. The person didn’t see Seongwoo and he could have just gone unnoticed. But something in his heart tugged him to stay, to give the sorrowful man a piece of comfort. That night Kang Daniel opened up to Ong Seongwoo like never before. And now Seongwoo knew virtually all things about the younger: his personalities, his quirks, his likes and dislikes, even his allergies.

“Are you even okay, Kang-choding? You can’t stand foul smell.” Seongwoo didn’t ask the last sentence. He knew Daniel’s sensitive olfaction and the reasons behind them all.

“The joy of tricking you is worth a few minutes headache, hyung.” Daniel grinned. Seongwoo groaned at the younger’s juvenile sense of humor.

“Hmph. Wait here. I’ll grab some meds.”

Seongwoo was about to walked out from the room when he was stopped with a hug. Daniel had encircled his arms around Seongwoo and encased the older in a warm embrace, which froze Seongwoo. The older felt his heart rapidly built up rhythm.

“I’m so lucky to have such a nice hyung.” Daniel said as he pressed his cheek on the back of Seongwoo’s head.

Seongwoo wrestled himself out; he felt colors rising to his face and his heart was on the verge of exploding.

“Well. Let’s hope you don’t run out of your luck then, Kang Daniel-ssi.” Seongwoo said as he walked away from the room, but before he got out he heard a faint reply.

“Oh I’m sure I won’t, _my_ hyung.”

\---

Their bed was promised to arrive before the day before their next one-day schedule break, presumably to give them one night of good sleep. Seongwoo was so pleased for the news because sleeping on the floor, albeit with bedding, wrecked his body. He could fall asleep, but that was mainly due to the fatigue accumulated throughout the day. The moment when he woke up from slumber, however, his body ached all over it was almost unbearable. Strangely though it didn’t affect his roommate that severe, which Seongwoo accounted to having a thicker layer of muscle.

That’s why after the schedule of the day wrapped, which was by far the most tiring day and ended at such an ungodly hour of 2 PM, Seongwoo expected to be able to dump himself straight to his new bed. Instead he was met with the usual view of bedding scattered on the floor, no actual bed in sight.

“Sorry, hyung. They said that the shipment got delayed.”

Anger rose up within the tired older male and it sought openings to vent out.

“You don’t have to apologize for them. It’s not your fault we have such a shitty management that don’t appreciate the artists making the fucking money for them!” Seongwoo ranted as he threw his rucksack into the floor and sat down beside it, promptly fixating his gaze on his phone. His words came out harsher than he had intended, and it made him feel bad because it seemed like he was lashing out at Daniel. He felt even worse because the younger didn’t say anything, unlike his usual chatterbox self. It didn’t help when Seongwoo stole a glance at the younger’s direction, he saw that Daniel had gone.

Seongwoo really shouldn’t have lashed out. He said to Daniel that it wasn’t the younger’s fault and yet he made the younger the object of his temper. Daniel wasn’t worthy of being Seongwoo’s wrath collateral damage. Actually for Seongwoo, Daniel was worthy of far more.

“Here.” The sudden intrusion startled Seongwoo. He glanced at the source of the voice and found Daniel handing out a can of beer. Seongwoo took it, and the younger sat down beside him; their shoulders were separated by no distance.

“You’re not drinking, hyung.” Again the voice awoke Seongwoo. The older instinctively turned to look at Daniel and found the younger looked back at him, smiling softly. Seongwoo unconsciously let his gaze lingered a few moments longer than necessary, making the younger lifted his eyebrow.

“What?” Daniel said inquisitively.

Seongwoo sighed. “I’m sorry, Niel-ah. Shouldn’t have been angry at you.”

“It’s okay, hyung.” Daniel waved his hand. “Bad day?”

Seongwoo nodded.

“If you want, you can talk to me, hyung. I’ll listen.”

“It’s not a big deal, Niel-ah.”

“Oh, come on, hyung.” Daniel wrapped his arm around Seongwoo’s and the older inexplicably shuddered at the sudden warmth. It was in the middle of summer and they hadn’t turned the AC on. “You always listened to my stories. I want to hear yours, too. Or do you feel uncomfortable about it?” There’s a tone of dejectedness at the end of Daniel’s question, which immediately alerted Seongwoo.

“No. No, Niel-ah. I just don’t want to burden you. I mean- I-” Seongwoo didn’t exactly know how to phrase it. He wanted to say that Daniel already had more than enough to deal with without Seongwoo’s troubles to add.

“Seongwoo-hyung. Listen to me.” Seongwoo was a little surprised at the firmness in Daniel’s voice. “You can never be a burden to me. I’ll always be there for you. Get it, Ong Seongwoo?”

There’s finality in Daniel’s voice like a judge handling sentence. Perhaps it was his physical frailty that made Seongwoo felt unnerved whenever he’s with someone imposing. That’s why Seongwoo should have been at least disconcerted by the amount of control Daniel exerted upon him just now. But although the younger could easily overpower him in any given situations, Seongwoo had never actually felt threatened by his presence. Instead whenever Daniel’s not around, Seongwoo felt something’s missing, a feeling he had never experience before he knew of Daniel’s existence.

It was then that Seongwoo realized he had actually been incomplete as a person all this time, or rather a broken masterpiece, marred by tragedies of the past. But when Daniel came to Seongwoo’s life, he became the plug that filled the empty hole, the presence that made Seongwoo whole.

“Thank you, Niel-ah.” Seongwoo had said those words often, but this time it bore more weight than ever before. “It means a lot to me.”

Seongwoo didn’t look at Daniel’s face; he’s afraid the blush creeping on his cheek was showing and he couldn’t exactly blame alcohol before he even began drinking. He could only hope he hadn’t weird the younger out with his comment.

They stayed in uneasy silence for a short while but then Seongwoo felt Daniel unwrapped his arm from Seongwoo’s, and the older was immediately crestfallen. Soon, however, the younger placed his arm around Seongwoo’s shoulder and brought the older closer to him

Seongwoo gulped his beer fast, hopefully fast enough to hold it accountable for the now very apparent blush. It didn’t help when Daniel’s head fell on Seongwoo’s shoulder. Seongwoo’s heart galloped like a racing horse. But then Seongwoo felt a trickle of wetness on his arm. He glanced sideways and found Daniel’s tears dripped on his cheek.

Kang Daniel had never been a tearful person, unlike Ong Seongwoo. The person was capable of disguise well, maintaining outward appearance of rainbows and sunshine even during period of severe emotional turbulence. Even behind the curtain, Seongwoo could count on one hand the number he witnessed Daniel crying, and he was rarely in a place without Daniel.

On public eyes, Ong Seongwoo was rarely seen without Daniel. The truth was, well, that was the truth. He had been with Daniel through the younger’s joy and sorrow, through his sickness and glee; almost all people said in their vows.

The sight of other people, let’s say Jisung-hyung, crying might not be much unsettling for Seongwoo. But for Daniel to break into tears meant some serious shit was happening, presumably an all-encompassing and life-altering event. While Seongwoo undoubtedly felt concerned and eager about helping Daniel to fix his problem, his immediate reaction was feeling equally heartbroken at the sight, as if he’s bearing the same weight and the same pain Daniel was bearing.

That’s why every time he saw Daniel cry, Seongwoo mirrrored.

A drop of tear fell on Daniel’s cheek.

“Hyung, I-”

“It’s okay, Niel-ah.” Seongwoo wiped the wet dot from Daniel’s cheek. He patted Daniel’s head with his unoccupied hand and gently let it fall back to his shoulder. He was literally being the shoulder to cry upon, though only for Daniel. “I love you.”

Seongwoo didn’t actually realized what he’d just said; he was in a daze. They stayed in that position a long time, and by the time he could comprehend the words he had said, Daniel was already fast asleep, and Seongwoo was a tad relieved. He hoped Daniel missed his words altogether and their lives would just go on. There’s no need to complicate things any further.

But just when he felt fatigue overwhelming his consciousness, Seongwoo thought he heard an almost unintelligible mutter.

“-love you too, hyung-ah.”

\---

At last the bed arrived. Seongwoo wasn’t all happy about it though, as it meant his chance of sleeping beside Daniel would be over.

The bed, a fragile-looking bunk bed, seemed barely enough to hold Seongwoo, let alone his humongous roommate. Not to mention the length was inadequate they would likely have to fold themselves in order to fit.

“You want the upper or lower bed, hyung?” Seongwoo’s mind monologue was interrupted. He looked at his roommate who fussed on the bed like an overly excited puppy getting a new toy.

“Let’s not take the risk of the bed collapsing.” The said person laughed at his hyung’s half-concerned, half-exasperated tone. “I’ll take the top, you bottom.”

At Seongwoo’s words Daniel turned at him with questioning look and sly smile on his face.

“What? I’ll be crushed to death if you fall on me like that.”

Daniel maintained his stare for a while searching a knowing smile from Seongwoo, which the older held tight. After a while the younger shrugged and busied himself with the bed again. Seongwoo, however, could hear a faint mumble.

“So you like to be on top. I’ll note that in my mind.”

Seongwoo grinned at last.

\---

“What would we be after we disbanded, hyung?”

“Hmm?”

It was another long night where they confined themselves in their room, drinking beer while the other members went out to a local restaurant. Seongwoo didn’t know when this habit started but he felt comfortable. Their time was short, it was narrowing quickly, and Seongwoo thought it was only natural that he wanted to spend what time he had left with someone he felt closest to, Kang Daniel.

Daniel’s question had appeared in his mind a couple times and increasingly frequent, but every time he postponed answering them. Mainly because he didn’t exactly know the answer, but also because he thought by refusing to answer, he could also deny the passage of time; a futile and desperate attempt because, well, time marched on with or without Seongwoo’s consent.

“Friends?”

“Oh, hyung.” Daniel departed from Seongwoo’s side and feigned discontent. “Do you really think of me as just a friend? Like Sungwoon-hyung or Minhyun-hyung? Words can hurt, you know.” Daniel placed his hand over his heart.

Seongwoo laughed. He forgot that he had infected Daniel with his Shakespeare virus, which heavily augmented the younger’s already strong vaudevillian roots.

“What do you want us to be, then?” Seongwoo inquired. He had certain words he hoped would be Daniel’s answers but he kept those words in a tight sealed coffin buried deep within his heart’s most secluded placed called forbidden desire.

“Not fair. I asked first.” Daniel snorted, his hands folded in front of him. “But I’d say closer than mere friends. Way closer.” The way he put emphasis on the last words must had been intentional, Seongwoo thought.

This was what Seongwoo superficially hated and yet so wickedly appreciated about the younger. He had enjoyed the sinful temptations wrapped in elaborate and seemingly innocent quips and touches. Sometimes Seongwoo was afraid that he had been wildly misled, but not even Ongcheongie could have mistaken a signal this strong.

“Closer, like?” Seongwoo glossed his seductive intentions with feigned ignorance. He was feeling a little reckless tonight. Thankfully this time they had drunk alcohol for about an hour and whatever foolish acts Seongwoo might regret doing, he could blame it to the virtues of being inebriated.

“I don’t know, hyung. Maybe you should answer it. To see if our mind truly clicked. Like science.” Daniel lowered his sentence into a growl that roused Seongwoo’s primal needs.

“Is this the right answer, then?” All reservations dissipated from Seongwoo’s mind as he closed the gap between them and give Daniel a light peck on his lips.

Seongwoo didn’t feel any movement from the latter. He didn’t respond, but also didn’t back away in disgust. The younger just stood still, very still, until Seongwoo separated them and fell to the floor, snoring loudly.

He wasn’t actually sleeping. Seongwoo was just surprised and frightened at his alcohol-driven guts that made him kiss Daniel. It was way out of line for both of them. Seongwoo was afraid of the younger’s action. Would he reprimand Seongwoo? Or waive it as part of thoughtless drunken frivolity? Or, Seongwoo dreaded, would Daniel feel disgusted and refuse to be close to him anymore?

_Should I beg for forgiveness? Should I prepare to move away from the dorm? Maybe switch with Jaehwan or Guanlin?_

Amidst the awkward sleeping act, Seongwoo suddenly felt another body moving. _He’s going away._ Seongwoo knew it would be totally his fault but nevertheless felt heartbroken. But then he felt the other body lied right beside him on the hard floor, their sides pressed on each other. That gave Seongwoo a moment of relief; at least Daniel wasn’t that repulsed with Seongwoo. Maybe even, Seongwoo dared to daydream, Daniel wanted to, say-

Seongwoo didn’t need to say it in his mind, because Daniel had moved again and he felt a lumbering figure hovered above him, casting dark shadows on Seongwoo’s closed eyes.

And then Seongwoo felt it. A contact. A cracked soft surface grazing his own. Light, nimble, scalding; its fiery ghost lingered long after the lips left, its touch engraved at the foremost part of Seongwoo’s memory:

Kang Daniel had kissed him.

\---

_Summer 2019_

“How much longer?!”

“About 5 minutes, Daniel-sii.”

Daniel fidgeted on his seat. He had heard news from his group chat that something had happened. Something so unbelievable, so surreal he had to call the other members multiple times to get his confirmation. It took an angry shout from a certain foxy member that forced him to accept the news as real, and the ramifications left him deeply terrified.

_Seongwoo-hyung has what?_

He could not completely discern what affliction had befallen his hyung because Minhyun-hyung had broken him the news with thunderous tempest, but Daniel could make the word ‘lost his mind’. Daniel felt that soon he’s going to lose his own mind. The traffic had stalled them in their place for almost five minutes, and clearly it would take more than another five minutes for it to clear. Daniel made a decision he knew his manager won’t agree with.

“Open the door. I’ll just walk from here.”

“What? You can’t get off the car here! You’ll be-”

“Don’t make me repeat myself, manager-ssi.” Daniel shot his manager a piercing gaze so menacing the poor older male seemed to cower a little on his seat. The manager gulped and groped sideways to open the door, and then hastily moved aside.

“Don’t follow me.”

“But-” But the manager’s objections withered when once again Daniel sent him a threatening look.

Daniel turned away from the flabbergasted man and immediately set to jog down the road, slithering through the crowd. He hoped his movement was fast enough he’d be long gone the moment pedestrians started noticing the crown prince of South Korea.

His plan succeeded in a way. Daniel arrived at his destination in only ten minutes, but running under the stinging summer sun left him drenched in sweat. He didn’t care, however, and went straight to the elevator; he already got the number of his hyung’s ward. A few pace later he was stopped by the security.

“May I ask where you’re going, Sir?” The voice was firm and formal, yet there’s an unmistakable streak of apprehension towards the man charging from the street to the elevator.

“I’m visiting.” Daniel tersely replied, partly because he’s still trying to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry, Sir. The visiting hour ended an hour ago.”

“What? But I have to go!” Daniel sounded desperate and it didn’t impress the security the slightest. “You can’t stop me!”

“I’m sorry, Sir. No exception. I have to escort you out if you’re making a scene.” The security added when he noticed signs of impending eruption. Before Daniel managed to shout a few words of choice, a voice called to him.

“I’m very sorry, officer, but this is very important. I have a memo from the attending physician. Here.” The voice was silky smooth, clearly not a novice at diplomacy. Daniel looked at the source of the voice: Hwang Minhyun. The fennec fox brandished an apologetic smile towards the security guard, who was painstakingly trying to read the scribbling on the paper.

“Sir, the doctor said it was very urgent for the patient. And we don’t want to make a scene here, considering both the patient and the visitor are celebrities. So if you can please let us on our way?”

The security raised his gaze towards Minhyun and then Daniel, and some sort of recognition painted his face. He looked around to see some people already whispered and he knew he might lose his job if a scene involving famous people started. Best option was of course to just send the visitors on their way to the private wards.

“Fine. Please be on your way, Sir.” The security gestured politely at the elevator. Daniel saw the corner of Minhyun’s mouth curved slightly upwards as soon as he’d done profusely thanking the security. Obviously the fox sure liked to gloat over every petty little victory.

The triumphant smile died down immediately after the elevator door closed, however, and Minhyun’s expression started to harden. Daniel braced himself for the strategist harshest and sharpest rebuke.

“Just so you know. I’m against him meeting you.” Minhyun gritted.

“Hyung. I’m-” He began as the elevator door opened.

“I don’t want to hear it, Daniel. Not here.”

Minhyun marched swiftly through the sparse white corridor and turned the corner. Daniel followed him and when he turned, he saw the older already disappeared into a door on the far end.

Daniel prepared himself to not breakdown after seeing Seongwoo-hyung lying on the bed. It took a moment after he barged into the room that he realized it apparently wasn’t a patient room at all, more like a living room with sofas and coffee table. He heard someone locked the door behind him and instinctively turned. Minhyun had blocked the door.

“What the hell, hyung. Where’s Seongwoo-hyung?” Daniel felt his anger boiling.

“Not here. And I won’t let you see him until we done talking.” Minhyun’s voice seemed to Daniel like the still water before the storm.

“You can’t stop me.” Daniel hissed and moved towards the door. Minhyun tried to stop him midway but Daniel lunged at the older and shoved him harshly sideways.

“Fine! Have it your way then! See him! It’s not like you can damage him any further!”

Daniel stopped short of opening the door and he turned to look at Minhyun, who was defiantly staring back at him from the floor with comparable fury.

“You said that I damaged him? What the hell are you talking about?” Daniel approached the older who had risen up and stood his ground.

“Sure. Play fool, Kang Daniel. Play innocent. That way always got you out of trouble.” Minhyun’s words were laced with venom and it hurt Daniel more than it should be. The younger knew what his hyung had been implying especially concerning his recent issues.

“You leave my love life out of this.” Daniel hissed, to which Minhyun scoffed.

“Then why bother seeing Seongwoo? Why bother talking to him if you don’t-”

“Do you think I can sit idle while he’s sick?” Daniel shouted. “I wanted to see him! I promised I’ll be there for him-”

“OH. NOW YOU WANT TO BE THERE FOR HIM? WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN THIS WHOLE TIME YOU BASTARD-”

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT WAS TO PREPARE A DEBUT WHEN YOU GOT A PISSED COMPANY ON YOUR ASS?”

They fell into disquieted silence. Daniel felt his wrath still rippling but it had calmed considerably since he managed to finally voice it out.

He resented not being able to be together with Seongwoo. He hated not being able to attend their long-awaited reunion. But he hated people who blamed him for it even more. It’s not like he wanted it all to happen.

What made him equally bitter and angry was that some of his former bandmates were among those people. They were all professionally close and after their contract ended they managed to remain cordial, but recent events had put strain on their delicate peace near the breaking point. When news of Seongwoo got sick broke up, the bubble burst too, and Daniel was forced to face disappointment and rage from his former fellow members. Minhyun was the most hostile among them.

The older had, the first time Daniel had ever witnessed it, shouted at him through the phone when the latter tried to seek information concerning Seongwoo. Stunned by Minhyun’s never-before-heard violent speech, Daniel could only agree after Minhyun told him to meet the older at the hospital, after which the call abruptly ended.

Daniel felt so wronged afterwards. What had he done to merit such animosity, let alone from member whom he cherished so much and he considered his own brothers. He had received severe backlash from his fans in recent days and the bitter ex-agency used the opportunity to gear yet another underhanded campaign to further smear him, masquerading as his fans who said they were fed up with his acts and were leaving him. It put a lot of stress to him emotionally, and he thought the members would be so kind to provide their support, to understand that he had his needs as a human. For some reason they didn’t, and Daniel guessed he’s going to hear them soon as he felt Minhyun’s wrath raising from his temporary slumber.

Minhyun drew a long breath and Daniel knew he was about to face another vicious verbal onslaught. Surely enough when the older spoke; his voice bore more spikes and thorns than before.

“You really don’t get it, do you, Kang Daniel?” Daniel had never seen Hwang Minhyun that angry. “You think you can just play around people’s feeling and not feel a damn guilty about it?”

It hit Daniel right at his sorest place.

“What the hell do you mean, Hwang Minhyun?” Daniel clenched his fist, repressing the urge to punch the other. “Are you saying that I ‘play around’ with people’s feelings? I have a girlfriend and everybody loses their fucking mind! Fans, I can understand their feelings and I know I’m at fault for not being honest, but you and the others? I thought you guys of all people would understand what kind of life we’re forced to live. And yet you say that ‘I don’t get it?’ You think I have no right to fall in love and be loved in return?”

“You have,” Minhyun tersely replied. “And so does Seongwoo.”

Amidst his anger for being treated like the jerk of the year, he had forgotten about the reason he came here at the first place.

“What does Seongwoo-hyung have anything to do with this?”

“Everything, Kang Daniel.” Minhyun let out an exasperated sigh. “God, how can you be so dense? Do you really think this would not affect him?”

Daniel knew he should have told Seongwoo sooner. In fact, he would reluctantly admit that it was partially his fault his members got angry at him because he didn’t spill it to them either, but he had his reasons. They’re living a life where having relationships could be the bane for their career. The more people knew about his relationship, the more chance it would slip to the news portal. Hell, he didn’t even tell his former members and the rumors still found its way to spread like wildfire.

The only thing his rational mind seemed to miss was Seongwoo’s reaction. _Did the news of me having a girlfriend affect him that badly? Even if it did, why?_

Daniel shuddered at the possibilities.

“I’m sorry for that. I know I should’ve told him sooner.”

Minhyun stared at him with disbelief. “That’s your regret? That you didn’t tell him soon enough? What’s the different of telling him sooner or later, you asshole?”

Daniel couldn’t understand Minhyun’s response; he felt even more deeply lost the further their conversation went.

“Of course it would mean everything, hyung.”

“No it wouldn’t. He would still get hurt all the same.”

“Why would he even get hurt-”

“DO YOU REALLY NEED ME TO SPELL IT OUT TO YOU, KANG DANIEL? YOU DID NOT TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM AND THEN LEAVE THEM! YOU DID NOT KISS SOMEONE AND THEN DATE ANOTHER PERSON! YOU DID NOT-” Minhyun stopped bellowing and his voice devolved into grumble. “You did not _fuck_ someone and then lie to their face for a whole fucking year.”

Daniel was left gaping at Minhyun’s words. He watched the older turned from him and walked away.

_What in the seven hells had Seongwoo told Minhyun?_

“H- hyung.” Daniel heard trembling in his own voice. “I- I think there has been some misunderstanding.”

“Of course.” To Daniel’s further bewilderment, Minhyun’s voice was also tremulous but it was hinted with bitter sadness. Daniel felt chills throughout his body.

“W- what is actually going o- on, hyung? What kind of illness does Seongwoo hyung have?”

Minhyun walked over in front of a large mirror covering almost an entirety of the wall.

“Come see for yourself.” As Minhyun said that, the mirror slowly lost its opacity and revealed another room. Daniel paced to see what lies beyond and the sight would be another one to haunt him in his darkest nightmares.

\---

“S- since w- when?”

“Just this morning.”

“A- and he’s- I mean- is- is he-”

“He’s alive. His consciousness, however, is another matter.”

Daniel sobbed harder. He had retreated from the mirror and fell to the floor immediately, huddling his knee. The sight of Ong Seongwoo on the patient bed broke his heart, but his terror lied on his hyung’s hollow gaze. For the whole minute Daniel saw him, the person didn’t move a flinch. He remained silent with flat expression and vacant stare as if he was in a catatonic stupor.

“And he’s like t- that b- because of m- me.”

“Perhaps.” Daniel looked at Minhyun, whose expression had turned way softer, though his slightly clenched jaw implied that he still had ammunition should Daniel deserve it. “I’m sorry, Daniel.”

“W- what?”

“I’ve not been completely honest with you. I’m sorry for lashing out at you.”

Daniel had never feel more confused in his life, so he just stayed quiet and hoped Minhyun would give him the explanation of this vortex of insanity.

“When I came here, the doctor had just given him drugs to settle down. They gave him Haloperidol. Do you know what that is?”

Odd question since Daniel hadn’t studied medicine. “A sedative?”

“Antipsychotic.” Minhyun replied with a resigned expression on his face.

Fear crept inside Daniel and he felt his blood losing its warmth.

“P- psychosis? You mean like delusions?” He wanted to say crazy, but no. He couldn’t say that Seongwoo, his hyung, was-

“He called me this morning, wailing and crying out of control.” Minhyun sat beside Daniel; he stared at the far spot on the opposite wall. “I asked him why but he wouldn’t tell. So I came to his house with Dongho and Jonghyun, found him uncommunicative, clearly hasn’t been taking care of himself for several days. We decided to inform his manager, which had also been trying to reach him to no avail. His manager came, and we took him here.”

Minhyun closed his eyes and Daniel saw tears started rolling on his cheek. “Along the road he muttered several words; unconnected, but not entirely incomprehensible, especially to me.” Minhyun paused. “Your name came out.”

Daniel felt his heart dropped a few inches. He didn’t know how to respond but Minhyun relieved him as he continued recounting his story.

“When we got here, the doctor told that he’s going to spend a few nights. I volunteered to go pack his things, as well as to send both Dongho and Jonghyun away. When I returned here, he had calmed down considerably, and stayed that way.”

“The doctor told me t- that severe emotional trauma could sometimes drive people into temporary in- instability, and as their trauma resolve, he could regain complete _sense_, so to speak.” Minhyun halted his exposition, his eyes were still closed.

“He asked me if I could guess any recent events that could possibly serve as triggers. I didn’t have a guess, I knew exactly the trigger. But I didn’t tell the doctor; instead I told him I’ll try my best to help Seongwoo recover.”

“I don’t know if he bought me not knowing, but he told me to not limit my suspicions of things too recent. There could be a series of events slowly building up to this psychotic break.” Minhyun had opened his eyes and the red eyes had turned to look at Daniel.

Daniel stared back at Minhyun. He was able to comprehend the older’s explanation, but it seemed so out of this world. How could these things be happening to Seongwoo? Most importantly, how could these things be happening and he, Kang Daniel, didn’t get even the slightest idea?

_Have I really been that disconnected from you, hyung-ah?_

“Seongwoo had been telling me stories this past year.”

“S- so you think this b- began- when do you think-”

“I’m not completely sure, either.” Minhyun released a sigh. “That’s what I wanted to confirm with you. Have you ever said that you love him?”

“I- I do. We’re close, hyung.” Daniel quickly added defensively. He dreaded the possibility that somehow his actions had led Seongwoo to this condition.

“But I assume you guys didn’t have sex?”

Daniel blinked once, twice. “No.”

Minhyun closed his eyes again, pained expression was apparent on his face. “How could I’ve trust that so easily? We could have avoided this a long time ago.”

“Did he tell you that w- we have-”

“Yes, and a lot other things. Which may or may not have happened.”

“What other things, hyung?” Daniel was getting increasingly agitated. “You could ask me, I’ll-”

“What does it matter which, Daniel?” Minhyun opened his reddened eyes and shot him a gaze; it was fueled with anger and sadness. “Now we know the truth; that he’s been increasingly deluding himself this past year to the point he couldn’t discern reality anymore.”

Minhyun’s truth struck Daniel hard. Seongwoo had been increasingly deluding himself, that _Daniel loved him?_ There was multitude of feelings mixed together in his mind but to his shame, one came out dominant. Fear.

“Was it my fault?” Daniel blurted the question he so dreaded. _Say no, hyung. Please, say no._

“Yes.” _No._

“No.” Minhyun weakly raised his eyebrow at Daniel’s rejection. “I’ve never wanted him to end like this. I- I mean we’re close, but I’ve never wanted him to think that I loved him.” _For his own good._ “Why was it my fault?”

“Because it wasn’t entirely Seongwoo’s fault either,” Minhyun swiftly answered. “You might say otherwise but you can’t deny that you two are closer than any of us has ever been.”

“But that’s because we _are_ close!”

“How close?”

Once again Minhyun’s words silenced Daniel. That was one question he had avoided answering for so many times. He didn’t dare look directly at his hyung in fear of giving away something he didn’t want to. But Minhyun was seemingly capable of drawing his own conclusion.

“You see. If he was sick today; it was because he had this scenario inside his head, and you played it up to your best.” Minhyun rose up and looked across the glass panel. “You fooled everyone with your act, Kang Daniel. You fooled me, and I’m Hwang Minhyun.”

“I’m not trying to fool anyone.” His retort came meek.

“And we got fooled anyway.” Minhyun turned to look at Daniel. “Listen to me, Niel-ah. Seongwoo didn’t take it lightly when the news came out. His reality got crushed in the worst possible way.”

The straightforwardness of Minhyun’s words threw Daniel off guard.

“I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date. But I want you to understand why Seongwoo took it so badly. I hope that when you go inside and meet him, you actually have something to say instead of apologizing and maintaining that it wasn’t your fault.” Minhyun’s dissatisfaction was plastered all over his words.

“Sometimes you can do everything you thought was right and things got screwed up anyway. It matters less whose fault was it. The important thing was how you sort things out.” Minhyun moved towards the door heading to Seongwoo’s room.

“How can I sort things out with him, hyung? I’m confused.” Daniel didn’t lie. He was terrified of making another wrong move and leaving Seongwoo worse than the older was right now.

“That-” Minhyun paused as his hands hovered on the handle, “is a question I cannot answer. Both of you are the only people who understand the nature of your relationship. Hopefully you’ll both drop all kinds of acts and fully come to term with it.”

Minhyun opened the door and gestured for Daniel to come. Daniel felt his feet had transformed into molten lava. Slowly he approached the threshold but before he could enter the room, Minhyun stretched his hand, blocking his way.

“But if I may give you a suggestion. Before you sort things out with him, you should first sort things within yourself.”

Daniel looked at the older dumbfounded. _What does Minhyun know?_

“I know a lot, Niel-ah.” Minhyun said as if he could read Daniel’s expression as clear as his own handwriting. “Unlike present Seongwoo, I could pretty much discern reality. I know what happened behind closed doors. Most importantly, I know you. I know how fear twisted and contorted you into someone you’re not.”

For the thousandth time today he was silenced with the depth of Minhyun’s insight. Daniel felt like he was an open book for the strategist to read.

“I know you kissed him.”

Daniel’s eye widened as he looked at Minhyun. The older shouldn’t have known that no matter how depth his insight was. _Did Minhyun dabbled in mysticism?_

“How did you-”

“I didn’t.” Even amidst this catastrophic ordeal, Minhyun managed to flash a triumphant smile towards Daniel. “I was bluffing. You called.”

_Sneaky fox._

Minhyun removed his arm from the door and walked back. Daniel proceeded to enter the room and as he took a step forward, he heard Minhyun muttered under his breath, the first word of encouragement the older said to Daniel today.

“Be not afraid, Niel-ah. Love conquers all.”

\---

“Hyung.” There was no reply. “S- Seongwoo-hyung.”

There was still nothing.

Daniel slowly entered the room but his gaze quickly fixed on the delicate-looking man sitting upright, leaning on the headboard. He looked at Seongwoo’s eyes, but the eyes didn’t look at him back. Just like how he felt behind the glass panel, the older was only staring blankly, but the closer view was more harrowing. Even more because Daniel knew he was responsible, no matter how small it might be, for his hyung’s emptiness.

Seongwoo didn’t move when Daniel approached. In fact, he didn’t seem to have no recognition at all of his surroundings. Daniel glanced towards the door, wanting to ask Minhyun for help, but the door’s already closed. Minhyun had left him alone in the room with Seongwoo, as if reinforcing what the older had been trying to say to Daniel from the first time he arrived: you make it, you fix it!

Daniel sighed. He wanted to fix it, this problem, so much, but he didn’t know where to start. He wasn’t even sure whether Seongwoo was in any condition to perceive his words. Even if the older was, what would Daniel have to say? Sorry? Would it suffice? Against months or probably years of supposedly misleading Seongwoo into delusions?

Definitely not.

Daniel arrived at beside Seongwoo’s bed at he looked at his hyung’s face. Once he was in this close a distance, he saw features on Seongwoo’s appearance that his previous observations missed. The older still retained his Hellenistic beauty, but lines had formed on the supposedly flawless face and bones had jutted out more prominently, creating a rougher overall.

_God, you’re beautiful._

Daniel suddenly stopped in his track. His hand who had absentmindedly, or perhaps intuitively, reached out to graze Seongwoo’s cheek hanged in midair. Daniel lowered his gaze and closed his eyes. He felt pained but pain’s good. It was better that he’s the one feeling the pain, rather than Seongwoo.

_I shouldn’t. I mustn’t._

“Niel-ah?”

Daniel shot his gaze upward in shock. The voice that called his name was no stranger to his ears, though it slashed his heart with frailty apparent in each syllable. Sure enough, Seongwoo was looking back at him, smiling.

Tears welled in Daniel’s eyes and flowed freely as he moved forward and enclosed Seongwoo in his arms. He didn’t want to cry, he knew his hyung needed him the most during this time, but he just couldn’t help it. Daniel sobbed hard and he felt Seongwoo’s hand reached out to pat his head.

“Hey, don’t cry. I’m here for you. I’ll always be.” Daniel tightened his embrace at his hyung’s words. He remembered exactly the moment he was the one saying those words, that summer night atop a thin layer of bedding. Yet it was always Seongwoo who was there for him, every step of the way. Even now when Daniel had menaced around and made his hyung’s life a scattered mess, Seongwoo-hyung was still there for him. Unchanging.

After what felt like an eternity, Daniel pulled away. He looked at his hyung’s face again, whose remained tranquil enough albeit with unmistakable melancholy painted all over.

“I’m sorry I dragged you to this mess, Niel-ah.”

“No, h- hyung. W- why are you a- apologizing?” Daniel stammered, confused at his hyung’s words, and even more frightened at the clarity and stability of his hyung’s speech.

“Because I’ve been foolish, Niel-ah. All this time I’ve been fooling myself, and you-”

Daniel didn’t let his hyung continue. He lunged towards Seongwoo and cried himself even harder. This person had been through a hell and yet he felt sorry for the person putting him through it at the first place.

“H- hyung.” Daniel called amidst his weeping.

“Yes, Niel-ah?”

“I love you, hyung.”

Seongwoo didn’t immediately answer, but when he did, it sent chills down Daniel’s spine. “Don’t say that, Kang Daniel.”

Daniel was taken aback at the sudden change of tone. He pulled away once more and looked at Seongwoo. The serenity on his hyung’s face had transpired and replaced with a scowl.

“Hyung. I-”

“No. I don’t want to hear it.”

“But I mean it. I love-”

“LIKE HELL YOU ARE, KANG DANIEL! DON’T YOU THINK IT’S ENOUGH? MUST I GO INTO ANOTHER FUCKING PSYCHOTIC BREAK UNTIL I REALIZE, ONCE MORE, THAT YOU LOVE ME ONLY AS A FRIEND OR A GODDAMN BROTHER?”

Daniel couldn’t fully comprehend what just happened. The sudden change of demeanor threw him off guard and he could only watch in silence at his hyung’s convulsive outburst.

“Seven months, Kang Daniel! You kept me in the dark for seven fucking months! All the while I helped you with you debut, listened to your stories, supported you through your hearings, and you don’t even have any decency to tell me that you’ve got a fucking girlfriend!” Seongwoo’s face was wet with tears of fury. “I thought you loved me, Kang Daniel. And for that I am truly fucking sorry. Fuck me and my messed up mind.”

“I- I’m sorry, hyung,” Daniel meekly stuttered.

“You better be, Kang Daniel.” Seongwoo glared at him with vengeful misery. “I’d have to get hospitalized to be able to see the great Kang Daniel. And then you even got the guts to tell me that- _that you love me._”

Daniel didn’t like the mocking tone Seongwoo was using at all, especially when he had already made heart to tell Seongwoo the truth. It fueled his drive to fight back.

“It’s the truth, hyung.”

“Oh, yeah? What about the girl then? You love her, too? What a fucking asshole!”

“I had my reasons, hyung.” Daniel’s voice started to heat. “If you calm down, I can explain-”

“You can have all the reasons in the world, Kang Daniel, and I won’t fucking care. Not anymore.” Seongwoo handed the last words laced with deep anguish, and he gave Daniel one last vindictive glare before he turned to lie sideways on his bed, away from Daniel.

Daniel’s tempers rose like a tide but then he saw Seongwoo’s lithe body whimpered on the bed, clearly suppressing his sobs. He disliked being in a helpless position, not knowing what to do to make things better. All Daniel knew that whatever he had done this past year, it had only served to hurt him and the person in front of him, the one he cherished the most, the one Daniel _loved_ the most.

Whenever he said it, or failed to say it, he wasn’t playing around. He’s just afraid.

He feared what would come to them if he’d say those words. He feared the severe backlash they would both get. He feared for his own capability, let alone Seongwoo, to withstand critics, surely the harshest and most vicious of them, should the news ever got out.

If he was meant to bury his yearning without having ever disclosed it to the person he love, then so be it. Let this be a lesson that he, Kang Daniel, couldn’t have all he wanted. Actually he could, but with the risk of losing everything else. And he would, if only he wasn’t a coward.

The only thing he missed in his calculated decision was that the person got hurt too. That’s why Daniel had actually moderated his closeness to Seongwoo, but apparently that plan went awry as well. Apparently he just couldn’t completely deny his heart’s desire, especially knowing his time with Seongwoo was narrowing fast. He admitted guilty for all those slips and all those stolen kisses. Actually one kiss, but only because Seongwoo had kissed him first!

Daniel sighed. Seongwoo was right. He could have all the reasons in the world but the conclusion remained the same. That he, Kang Daniel, had fucked up bad. And the time for running around was over. It was time to make a decision, and this time he swore he would bear the responsibilities to the end.

“Hyung.” Daniel approached his hyung again. He hesitated for a while but then he put his hand on Seongwoo’s shoulder. The older jerked a little at the touch, but he didn’t say anything and continued silently sobbing.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I really am. And I have no excuse. It was all me. I was stupid. I was a jerk. A stupid jerk. And a coward. And I ended up hurting someone I love the most.”

Seongwoo shuddered violently when he heard Daniel’s words, but Daniel kept his hand firm on Seongwoo’s shoulder. He urged himself to continue before he lost his resolution.

“I love you, hyung. I’ve always loved you. Ever since that time we had been together at the Produce, I have always loved you, and I still do.” Daniel paused to let Seongwoo’s weeping calm down, and then he continued. “But I’m a fool and a coward. I’m afraid, hyung. I’m terrified. I love you but I’m scared of what it means to love you.”

“I’ve been selfish. I did things for my own needs and got you hurt in the process. I cared for you and yet I didn’t consider your feelings.” Daniel started to hyperventilate.

“I’m sorry, hyung. I’m sorry that you’re hurt because of me. But now I want to say it clearly to you. I love you. I always do. I, Kang Daniel, love you, Ong Seongwoo. And- and-” Daniel stuttered as he braced himself to finished his speech. “And if you’re too hurt to love me anymore, I’m okay. I will always love you for as long as I can.”

Seongwoo was still shaking on his bed when he finished, and it took a long minute until the older straightened himself up and faced the younger. He wiped his own face who had sry stains all over.

“You’re a fool, Kang Daniel.” Seongwoo’s voice was trembling. “You hurt me so much, you betrayed my trust, and now you want me to still believe your words.”

“It hurt because- because I tried my best to help you, gave my all to support you in your hardest time, and- and someone else earned the credits.” Seongwoo gave a bitter laugh. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I want recognition. It just hurt when you’re told you weren’t the main character after all.”

Daniel felt like shrinking under the torrent of judgment, but he decided to return Seongwoo’s gaze to the end. He wanted to show Seongwoo that he would take responsibility this time.

“Actually, do you know what hurt me so much? Surprisingly it wasn’t the girlfriend.” Seongwoo halted to catch a long breath. “It was the lies. It was realizing that the narratives of my life have been totally wrong.”

Daniel couldn’t stand it; he finally lowered his gaze. It hurt him hearing the words but he knew he deserved it. He had been holding back for so long, he had been deceiving Seongwoo for so long. Kang Daniel had no right to receive Seongwoo’s love; he might not even have the right to Seongwoo’s forgiveness. He wanted to run, to go home, to seclude himself in a dark closet, contemplating his grave mistakes, but then Seongwoo spoke again.

“But I’m a fool, too, Kang Daniel. Because no matter how hard I try, no matter how much my friends try to convince me, no matter how logical it sounds…” Seongwoo cupped Daniel’s cheek and brought his gaze to meet his own. “I can’t help falling in love with you, Kang Daniel.”

Seongwoo closed the gap between them and sealed his speech in a kiss. It was light, nimble, and scalding; its fiery ghost lingered long after the lips left, its touch engraved at the foremost part of Daniel’s memory:

Ong Seongwoo loved him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
It has been a hard time, but again like with my previous story, I hope this one can help you cope, whatever you're feeling right now.  
Please support both of them! Please keep praying that they stay in touch! Please keep hoping that some day they get to star in a variety or maybe even drama together!
> 
> But above all those, please pray for their happiness, whatever their decisions might be.  
<3 <3 <3
> 
> NB. Thoughts and critics are welcome as always! <3 <3 <3


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